HOLD BACK THE DAWN
by billismine
Summary: Five Chapters in this first series of events. Bill&Sookie. My take how the *star crossed* lovers would meet again after the horrendous revelations in Season 3. WARNING: MATURE themes and language. DISCLAIMER: No copyright infringement intended. These characters are the exclusive property of Charlaine Harris, Alan Ball and HBO. I am only borrowing them to tell a little story..
1. Chapter 1

Last night I dreamed that Bill and I were together again.

It seemed to me that nothing bad had ever happened in my dream. I still had Bill's yellow gold engagement ring on my finger. And when I held my hand up to the light, the diamond twinkled and sparkled from the warm glow of light reflected from the nearby hurricane lamp in Bill's bedroom. Bill and I were stretched out together across his bed, lying naked in each others arms. We were locked in an embrace facing each other, our legs entwined like the smooth, contorted boughs of an old oak tree.

My head resting on Bill's chest, his chin comfortably touching my my dream, Bill talks to me of another world. The world of vampires and other-worldly creatures. He talks to me of unfair acts and injustices. He talks to me of his own immortality and the decades ticking by for him, like the minutes on a second-hand clock. Bill describes for me the many horrors he has seen and the many horrors he himself has been a part of. Bill tells me everything because I had asked him not to spare me anything.

The truth is not always pretty, but it is the truth, after all. There are no shadows between us in my dream. And the truth has been hard fought for and paid for with a tells me of the wonders of the ages. And of all the events in history that he has glided past and witnessed with his own eyes. It's an incredible journey!But, in my dream, I must admit, I am only half-listening. My arms squeezing Bill around his waist. My fingers absent-mindedly playing with the dark, curling hairs on his chest.

After a moment, Bill tenderly captures my fingers with his hand and brings my fingertips to his waiting lips. He kisses each of my fingertips, pressing each against his cool lips, slowly, deliberately. And I can feel all the love he has for me, in just this one simple gesture. And all I am thinking about is Bill. And how much l love him. And how much he loves me. Time is suspended in my dream. All I want is Bill. I crave Bill's touch. This is a familiar pattern. So much so, I dread lying down and trying to go to sleep.I used to awaken with tears in my eyes every morning. For the past ten weeks.

Ten weeks without ever seeing Bill's face or hearing Bill's voice. Ten weeks. It almost had seemed as though Bill had met the True Death. I had had the feeling of being totally defeated. A heaviness in my chest that nothing could relieve. I would go to the mirror and look into my red and swollen eyes. I would remember the moment it had all started and the anger would return and start burning inside of me again! But now my dreams are not in such great contrast to the truth. Not so different from the way things actually turned out. We can never go back again, that much is certain. But in its place, I have found some solace. Some measure of peace. Some understand that I can cling to and live with now. Although some things will never be as they were, I have in its place the truth I so desperately needed.

It all began...one day in my kitchen, talking with my brother Jason.

"Sookie, didn't you say the painters are coming today?" Jason asked while entering through the screen door to the kitchen.

"Yeah, I guess." I was up to my eyes in soapy dish water, trying to clean dishes, pots, everything that had been neglected in the sink from the night before. Gran would be ashamed of this kitchen if she could only see it now, I thought to myself.

"Did you tell'em to start today or what? I need to know. They have to be supervised," Jason said, puffing out his chest.

"I-I don't remember, Jason, honestly. Just call them and find out," I said impatiently.

"Hmmm...Jesus, Sook!" Jason sighed; 'when I start remembering things better than you do... Sook, you gotta snap out of it!"I turned and looked at my brother standing next to the kitchen table.

"Jason. We are not talkin' about this again!"

"Yes, we are!" said Jason;"You ain't even actin' like my sister no more!""Jason!"His voice dropped to a whisper. "Sookie, I know he meant everything to you. But, you're actin' like a hermit or something. You go to work. You come home and that's it! You haven't come to any of my baseball games yet. The season's half over. Thought you might make it to one or two at least..."

"I'm sorry, Jason," I shook my head; "I'm really sorry. I will come to one of your games... I promise."

"Sook, you're flat," he said;"Flat...like a deflated balloon."

"Yeah, I'm flat."

Jason went on and on. "You're like a pancake. A flat tire. You're forgetful. You're confused. I-I can't depend on ya like I used to."

"Well, maybe that's a good thing. I'll be alright Jason. I will."

"Sook, will you go see somebody? Y'know...go talk to somebody?"

"Jason, that is ridiculous!"

"Are you talkin' to Tara?""No, I am not!"

"Why? Cause she was right about Bill?"

I dried off my hands with the dishcloth and quickly came round the table to stand in front of Jason. "Okay, Jason! That's enough. I want you to get outta here now. I don't need this! Go back to work."

I pulled Jason by his arm giving him a head-start in the direction of the screen door.

"I feel like killin' him," Jason said with tight lips; "I feel like goin' over to that Compton house and stakin' his ass-"

"Jason!"

I cut off his latest speech about what he wanted to do to Bill. "Jason, you are my brother and I love you. I'm okay. Please go back to work now... I'll find out when the painters will be here. I promise. I can't keep doin' this. Go! Please?"

I looked into Jason's eyes, hoping that he would leave me alone now. I know he was worried about me. He kissed my forehead then left. I breathed a sigh of relief as he hopped into his truck and barreled off in a cloud of dust from the back driveway. Just then, I heard a knock at the front door. And I knew what it was. Every day since that awful night...Bouquets. Urns. Boxes.

Fresh flowers from a fancy florist's shop in Shreveport. Every day they had been arriving at my door. No card. No card necessary. I knew they were from Bill. They must have been costing him a small fortune. Bill knows how much I love tulips. And corabelle. He sent me bunches and bunches of them: red ones, yellow ones, white ones. And hyacinths, lilacs, white chrysanthemums. Geraniums and gardenia laced with pansies and peonies, daisies, day lillies in every color and forget-me-nots. Beautiful bouquets, exotic or simple arrangements. He sent long-stemmed red roses on Sundays. They flooded the downstairs rooms with their delicate or pungent fragrances.

At first, I was in shock that Bill was even sending them to me. I let them stand in the front hall, or in the parlor, the fireplace mantel, on every flat surface. But then, my anger at him would not allow me to be content with even looking at them! I started tearing the arrangements and the bouquets apart! I threw scores of them into the trash! Destroying bunches of them, I know I ripped apart at least fifty bouquets, maybe more. Petals and paper lying all over the house as I tore into them, banging them against the walls, the furniture like a mad woman! I was taking out my rage at Bill on those gorgeous flowers!

Then, after a couple of weeks had gone by, I thought better of it. What a waste, I thought. I finally called a school friend of mine, Jayne, who is now a nurse and working at the hospital. She was delighted to come by the house and take the flowers from me to give them to others to appreciate them in a way I never flowers were only a constant reminder of what I had lost. I continued to have my friend come by and take the flowers but I started waiting longer and longer. I took this latest, enormous bunch of gorgeous sunflowers from the delivery boy [Bill had thought of everything, the boy would never take a tip] and I placed the vase on the coffee table.

I sat down in Gran's favorite over-stuffed chair and stared at the flowers for several minutes. Tell me what to do,Gran, I thought. Everyday of my life, I continue to miss my grandmother and her kind heart, her common sense and her unerring wisdom. Suddenly I thought, well, sunflowers belong in the sunshine. I slowly picked up the smooth,brightly-painted vase that contained the sunflowers and walked out into the kitchen, then through the screen door and out into the sunlight. I placed the flowers on the glass table just outside the door.

The morning sun felt so good. Warm. I stood there for a few moments looking out into the backyard, my mind racing. Alcide was so warm. His hands. His chest. His arms around me. I felt so safe with him. There was nothing complicated or difficult about Alcide. He was just a good guy. We had clung to each other, both of us needing absolution for feelings that had left us battle-weary, stranded and abandoned. Like a life-saving buoy in a storm, we had held close to one another to keep from being swept away on tides of what we each considered meaningless endings to relationships we thought would be permanent and unchanging. Both of us needing some solace.

Alcide had come back to Bon Temps a couple of weeks before on a job. He had called me as soon as he got into town. He told me he was a little nervous. He didn't know if it was a good time. I had told him I was always glad to see him. And I was. After he finished his job that evening, I had made supper for him. Nothing fancy, just what I had on hand. We sat down in the parlor and started talking about each of our lives. We drank too much mulberry wine and everything that had happened in Jackson started tumbling out of my mouth. I told him about what happened at my house after I left Fangtasia.

Before I realized it, I was crying in Alcide's arms. I shared with him my disbelief at what I had learned about Bill. Alcide said he never thought there would be any one after Debbie, because he loved her so much. Alcide said that even though he knew no one could replace Bill for me... he thought we had a special bond. An attraction. I told him, yes, I was attracted to him. I had always been attracted to him. I told him Bill and I were no more and I was glad about that because Bill had let an awful thing happen to me and I would never trust him again.

Well one thing led to another, we held each other close, we started kissing, and I gave myself to Alcide on the sofa. The wine had definitely helped things along, but it felt so good. So safe. Alcide was very mindful of me, my feelings. I just wanted to feel good again. I wanted that connection again, that I missed so much. It wasn't so much about the sex, it was more about the intimacy and the closeness that I lost when I lost Bill. I shouldn't compare my lovers, but I have to. They are like day and night.

I was very selfish with Alcide. I took what he offered and really didn't hold his needs as a first priority. With Bill...I had been the exact opposite. I had given myself to Bill completely, holding nothing away from him. Giving to him all that I am. Every second I was having sex with Alcide, the connection that Bill and I had was broken, or so I thought. After it was over, I got up and ran into the bathroom. I didn't want to wake Alcide. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I stuffed a hand towel into my mouth to stifle my crying. I prayed Alcide would not hear me crying. I was devastated to find that I still felt so empty.

The memory of being so empty, poured over me while I stood in the sunshine with my eyes closed. I opened my eyes and found myself staring in the direction of the Compton property. It was unconsciously done. It was then that I began to realize just how much Bill still had control of my moods, my emotions. My anger returned. For weeks, I had been riding a roller coaster of emotion and melancholy, filled with rage, then sadness and longing and back to anger!

Was Bill still living there, I wondered? I wanted no more flowers coming to my house! I knew where the key to Bill's house was that he had given to me. I still had the engagement ring. I didn't want that ring in my house anymore either! I could go over there now, I thought. I could let myself in. I hurried back into the house. I grabbed the key from the small alabaster box that I kept on the fireplace mantel. I ran upstairs as fast as I could and retrieved the little black velvet box that nestled the exquisite yellow gold engagement ring that Bill had given to me so long ago.

Impulsively, like a hundred times before, I was out the front door and running towards the Compton property. Only this time, the sun is up. It's nine o'clock in the morning. The birds are singing. The air is starting to swelter. The morning dew had evaporated. And so had my resolve to never lay eyes on Bill Compton again!

Halfway through the graveyard that separates our houses, I stopped running. Partly, because I was trying to form some resemblance of a plan. And partly because I was not wearing the type of shoes that are good to accomplish any sprinting in. I am wearing just a worn out pair of flip-flops and the rubber-like divider is starting to hurt the soft flesh between my toes! My heart is pounding! The key to Bill's house is heavy in my palm. I clench it tightly, walking with determination past each grave site. My mouth is suddenly dry.

The pathway is familiar, yet strange. I never thought I would come past this way ever again. I walked under two huge weeping willow trees and then I reached the rusty gate and there it stands in the clearing. The magnificent old Compton house. Once upon a time, this place was where I felt my most happy. My eyes couldn't help but look up to the master bedroom windows, where Bill and I had spent countless hours together, talking, making love. The place where I had felt so complete. As I looked up at the old house, a sadness crept over me and weaved through all my anger.

I began to think of all the security and happiness that Bill Compton was responsible for taking away from me. I turned the key over and over in my hand. Well, no surprise, my traitorous mind would provide me with the memory of the night Bill had given me the damned key.

We had been enjoying another after-glow moment, after making sweet love to each other. Just another beautiful night. Our physical relationship was still new enough so that every time we touched each other, it was almost too much to bear. It was almost like being under the influence of a drug. We couldn't take our eyes away from each other. And it absolutely would have been like torture not to touch each others' skin. I was still lying under Bill, his manhood deep inside me. Bill's forearms cradled the back of my head up from the pillow. I remember his blue eyes intently shining down into mine.

"I have something for you," Bill had whispered, his eyes still smouldering with satisfaction in the dim electric lamp light.

"Oh, I think I'm getting it right now." I had giggled.

"No, something else," he said, turning his head.

"What is it?" I asked curiously, lacing the fingers of Bill's right hand through mine.

"Well, I hope I can reach it..." he had said. Bill stretched out his left arm, trying to open the dresser drawer next to the bed. He was so hard inside me still, when he pressed his body forward to reach out, he penetrated me even more deeply. It was a sensation I loved.

"Ooooh," I moaned with pleasure;"I don't know what you have for me, Mr. Compton, but this will do, just fine!"

He looked down at me and gave me a quick kiss on my lips. "Yes, ma'am."

I remember raising up both my legs to help him with the leverage to reach the knob on the drawer. His weight was against me. I kissed his neck, his chest, his out-reached forearm. Any part of Bill that I could touch with my lips. Our laughter had echoed together, as he moved his chest back across me.

"O.k...I got it," he said.

"O.k...I got it, too!" I had sighed. My lips were close to his ear, my hands smoothing down along his muscular back. I moved my hips and Bill adjusted himself back down to look into my eyes.

"You are really quite insatiable, Miss Stackhouse."

"And that's quite all your fault,Mr. Compton" I said smiling at him . All I remember is the feeling of being deliriously happy watching him smiling at me.

"Here," he said, opening his palm with the key;"no more knocking at my door. This belongs to you."

I stared down at the huge, old-fashioned filigree iron key for the very first time."Oh, Bill!"

I took the key from him and turned it over in my hand. "It's so heavy! Can I use it anytime?"

"Anytime at all. Preferably at sunset," he teased.

I saw this as a very important progression in our relationship. And of course, it was. I put both my arms round Bill's neck then rubbed his nose with mine.

"Thank you, sweetheart...thank you, very much!" I had said, feeling a joy I never knew existed...until I had met Bill.

I felt so close to Bill. I felt like nothing and no one could ever come between us. Soon the key was all but forgotten, as Bill and I were kissing again. Starting the spark and igniting our passion for each other and soon making love again. When I was in bed with Bill I wanted never to leave. I was utterly content and full-filled in a way I could never have imagined before I met him.

Now everything had changed. I was standing in a new reality. A reality without Bill. My heart was broken. And nothing would ever be the same between us ever again, I thought. After everything that had happened, it still sounded so foreign to me: Bill and I are no more. Again, abject sadness then full-blown anger coursed through me. Well, at least this way, I thought, I could catch him off guard and unprepared.

When Bill's eyes met mine would he finally tell me why? Why Bill? Had everything I felt -thought I felt-been a lie? Did you ever really love me? Was anything we shared together real?

With these thoughts whirling in my mind, I finally had reached the house. I took each step up to the spacious porch. I swallowed hard into the back of my throat, my anger moving me forward. The iron key turned easily inside the lock as it always had. I pushed open the door a little. Droplets of perspiration now forming across my upper lip. My heart beating wildly. The door creaked and moaned as I pushed it further still, moving it away from me.

The house was silent and still so cool from the night before. And so dark inside. No sun streaming through the long windows as i had remembered it might. My eyes needed a moment to adjust to the darkness. I left the key in the lock and pushed the door back, only a tiny sliver of light filter into the darkness. I looked into the main parlor. The red velvet couch was there. I turned my head to my right. There was the huge fireplace where I had given myself to Bill for the very first time.

In slow motion it seemed, I walked to the door of the closet just in front of me where Bill rested. It was so dim in the foyer. I was determined to see him. I held my breath and placed my hand on the door. I pushed in, very gently, on the hidden closet door and looked down, still holding my breath. But to my amazement the trap door, covered by the little Oriental rug, was fully up! I took a step inside, peering over into the hole, but Bill was not there!

I heard a gasp of surprise then realized that the sound had come from me! I backed away, clumsily, out of the closet, hitting my right shoulder hard on the door jam, and suddenly feeling ridiculous for ever having let myself into Bill's house. I backed away in the darkness. I looked into the parlor again, an odd sense of panic rising in my stomach.

My mind was suddenly flooded with the realization that every window downstairs had been covered with black tarp! I stared stupidly at the dark parlor windows again. Yes, this is why there was no sunlight streaming through! Every window had been covered, curtains and all! I shut my eyes for a second, cursing myself for not having seen this when I first entered the house. And as I stood there frozen in the middle of the foyer, I heard the sound of a creak above me on the landing at the top of the staircase.

"Sookie."

My heart stopped at the familiar sound of his voice. I slowly lifted my eyes upward until I saw him on the first landing.

There stood Bill.

*end of Chapter One... To Be Continued...


	2. Chapter 2

_**HBTD Chapter Two ~ **_

_**Even in the dimness of the light, I could see his boots and his tight jeans. He wore a white henley shirt, a couple of buttons unfastened, clinging to his muscular frame. His dark thick hair, the symmetric slope of his nose, the strong jaw, all of the handsome features of his masculine face. If only someone could rob him of his twenty-first century clothing and place silk at his throat or worsted wool over his broad shoulders, he would belong to another time. And in reality, he did belong to another time. A time when men were silent and strong. A time when men had owed a feeling of responsibility. **_

_**And of course, there were those piercing, beautiful blue eyes of his, now the deepest shade of cobalt and watching me with complete stood motionless. I realized he had something in his hand. A book, which he gently closed with those long, agile fingers and he held it at his side. If Bill's eyes had been lasers, they would have burnt a hole straight through me. He had a look of utter disbelief on his face. His look was quizzical and beautiful. His jaw tight, his head almost cocked to one side. His gaze burning more and more into my consciousness, punctuated all the more with the absurdity of him finding me standing in his foyer. **_

_**I said nothing for a moment. I was still angry but now this emotion was mixed with a feeling of embarrassment. And at that moment I could not think of anything to say that sounded remotely sane. Bill slowly took a step down, as if he already knew descending too quickly, I might bolt away, like a doe in the woods. I did feel like bolting. But my legs would not move. And I did not want him to sense that I was faltering in any way. Not now, after taking such a bold move into his house, totally unannounced after all these weeks. **_

_**To keep my concentration, I kept thinking about the last time I had seen him. I kept thinking about the reason I was there, in the first place. There would be no reunion like in Jackson. I was not going to run into his arms! I watched as he came down the staircase, coming closer and closer, closing the distance between us. Had it really been ten weeks since I looked into his eyes? Suddenly, it only seemed like he reached the bottom, the last step, he paused for a moment. Then he reached over and switched on the floor lamp that was next to the railing. It cast a yellow hue along the foyer. **_

_**His eyes never left my face. I still felt like running. But I was concerned. If I had done that, I was afraid he might run after me, at vampire speed, stopping me from leaving. Possibly blocking the door. And I could not handle that. I did not want to create that kind of commotion. I was not sure that would even happen. But I no longer knew, if I ever did, what Bill Compton was capable of doing. In any case, it was far too late now. I knew I must finish what I had come to do.**_

_**"I-I thought…" I struggled to find my voice;"I thought you would be resting-" **_

_**I cut off my own sentence, realizing the tone of my voice was way too high, unnatural to myself, in my attempt to sound casual.**_

_**"I seldom sleep as I used to," he said quickly, but gently; "you let yourself in."**_

_**Bill's voice was very even, as he sort of squinted at the small amount of light that had filtered in at the doorway. His voice was kind and steady. Not like mine, which I felt was cracking into pieces. With mock confidence- and because I could not stand the direct stare of those blue eyes anymore- I turned and walked back to the front door and retrieved the key from the lock, shutting the door completely behind me and therefore cutting off the last little wedge of sunlight from the outside. Bill and I now stood in the cocoon of the lamp-lit foyer. I walked slowly back and stood near the little hall table that was between me and Bill.**_

_**"I just wanted to bring back your key," I said, my chin up, my voice a little more unsteady than I would have preferred;" and...this..." **_

_**I put my hand into the pocket of the cotton smock I was wearing and produced the black velvet box which contained the engagement ring. **_

_**Bill 's eyes finally left my face and he looked down at my hands, holding the key and the ring box. He said nothing for a moment, then he crossed his arms in front of him. **_

_**"I want neither," he said quietly. He looked back into my eyes. I stared at him, but then I purposefully ignored his statement. I took two steps closer to the hall table and with mock grand indignation, I placed the key and the box upon the table, signaling finality. Bill moved towards the table as well and he placed the book there with his right hand. The book binder was turned toward me. He had been reading F. Scott Fitzgerald's 'Save Me The Waltz.' I looked up at Bill. **_

_**The light had gone from his eyes. They were completely dark now. His mouth and jaw were set and suddenly he looked miserable and sad. Like the last time I had seen him at my door when I had revoked his invitation. He actually looked at me as if he was expecting something else. What did he expect from me? **_

_**"You could have left those things outside. Or never brought them here," he said suddenly; "but you chose to come in." **_

_**I was struck by the boldness of his words. No longer timid or kind. He had an unapologetic tone in his voice. How dare he address me in that way, I thought. I am the injured party in all of this! Not him! His tone had irritated me. I could not help myself from taking a step toward him. **_

_**"I chose to come in during the daytime, because I thought you would be takin' a nap!" I shot back.**_

_**"As I said, I rarely rest all day anymore. I don't require it," he snapped back."I see," I said, sarcastically;" it seems a little fae blood goes a very long way." **_

_**I no longer cared what I said to him, or how the words came out of my mouth. I was pissed. I wanted to somehow rattle that calm, unflappable exterior of his. But how, indeed, do you rattle a vampire? Especially one as controlled and perceptive as Bill just looked somehow even more detached at me.**_

_**"Sookie, it has nothing to do with your blood." **_

_**Why did he have to say my name just then? Oh so softly, so gently...making me remember just how much I missed him. I felt the blood rushing to my face then, my cheeks, my ears becoming warm. And if I blushed red, I hope he could not see it in this yellow lamp light. Earlier, I had been momentarily numbed by the shock of finding him awake and already up in the daytime. I hadn't expected it. But now, with this... Attitude of his, my emotions were starting to warm up.**_

_**"That's funny," I said;" I thought EVERYTHING had to do with my blood!"**_

_**Bill regarded me soberly at that. His expression had not changed. But now the tone of his voice was as if I were an unruly child, that needed some special attention. **_

_**"Finally, now you want some answers," he said, matter-of-factly. As if he knew this day would come. As if he knew I would show up on his door step, eventually, sooner or later. Bill was being condescending and way too sure of himself, I thought. He had no right to be either! The anger I had pressed down for weeks finally rose up and overtook me."Oh, yes!" I shrieked, feeling the rage in my gut;" I want answers to why you manipulated and betrayed me!" My voice echoed from the walls;" I've certainly had a lot of time to think about it, haven't I? I mean...**_there are still plenty of unanswered questions since the night we met, right?"

_**"A lot has happened, Sookie. More than you know," Bill said calmly. I gave a little mock laugh, although we both knew there was nothing at all funny about this situation. **_

_**"Ha!" I said, sarcastically;" that is an understatement, Bill Compton, if there ever was one! Let's see now...what does Sookie know? Let's start at the beginning, shall we? You were sent to Bon Temps by the Vampire Queen of Louisiana to check up on the skills of the local telepath? That's what the Queen told you, anyway. A girl, who just happened to live in your hometown. Now that was convenient! But the Queen never told you that the girl may have a fae heritage, right? The Queen must have found out, courtesy of my cousin Hadley? I guess you found this out much later- Unless that was a lie in addition to all the other lies!" **_

_**I was breathless and trembling uncontrollably. I did not care if Bill saw me trembling.I crossed my arms in front of me as Bill had done. I tried to steady myself. He continued to look at me intently. He said nothing. So I continued."And vampires find fae blood absolutely irresistible-'intoxicating,' you told me! Since that's true, you were drawn to me, just like your Maker Lorena said! How am I doing so far?" I asked him, feeling nothing but unbridled rage. **_

_**"You're doing very well...please go on..." Bill said. His smugness only infuriated me further.**_

_**"Oh, I intend to! So, the first order of business-business for the Queen-let's see…find, subdue and then conquer! Make the first contact, which you did brilliantly, by the way. Slid right into Merlotte's that fateful night. I did not even know what hit me! Then get your blood into me, so you would ALWAYS know where the little telepath was! Was that your idea? Or the Queen's? You actually did just fine with that, didn't you?"**_

_**"I did, yes."**_

_**"You did!" I parroted him;" Tell me... were the Rattrays part of your initial 'plan' all along? Or just a convenient opportunity?"**_

Bill slowly nodded. _**"I have always known how to make the most of any opportunities that might present themselves," he said coldly. **_

I felt like the breath had been knocked out of me. _**He showed me not one ounce of remorse. His words cut me. I was determined not to let him know. Although the tears began to sting behind my eyes. This was my worse fear. That I would cry in front of him. **_

_**"Oh, of course you do!" I raised my voice, trying to get the anger to off-set my pain;" you would not be workin' for the Queen if you were not very good at what you do, would you now, Mr. Compton? Very, very good!" **_

_**The fact that he never denied anything was shocking to me. Almost shocking me out of my livid state of anger and into numbness again. "Sookie..." he started, his eyes softening as he looked at me. **_

_**I shook my head at him. The tears were welling up into my eyes. I wanted to stop the flood of emotion I was feeling. All I wanted to feel was anger, indignation and rage. But that was not all I was feeling at that moment. I went on speaking angrily to keep Bill from chipping away at my outrage. **_

_**"So… like Eric said.. you let them beat me up?! You...let them beat me...! Even now, part of me still does not want to believe that you let it happen!" **_

_**My voice now leaving shrill and growing weak. I knew I was going out of control. I could not help myself from moving closer to Bill. **_

_**"You let them do that to me!" I said breathlessly;"…but you thought in your vampire mind, somehow, it was still okay. It's all okay, because you can heal me, right?" I could no longer catch my breath. My voice had gone into almost a whisper. I kept staring up at him.**_

_**"Yes." Bill said quietly, looking me squarely in my eyes. **_

_**The more unglued I became, the quieter and calmer he became. It was totally obscene. It was crazy. His blue eyes stares back at me from an emotionless mask. **_

_**"Yes!" I mimicked him;" and when I drank your blood for the very first time...it was all planned. Your mission! Your job! For your Queen! That was the whole point!" I accused him. **_

_**"It was supposed to be the whole point, Sookie. But it was far from what actually happened, " he said. **_

_**Now he was shaking his head, was in total control of his voice, his body, his demeanor. I was the exact opposite. I was starting to get dizzy. My body betrayed me, too. The tears spilled down my cheeks. I remember when I was in the hospital, so devastated and torn up, unable to reconcile what Bill had done to me then. But I had forgiven him. I had. Because I loved him so much. And I knew it was part of his nature to crave blood for his survival. And he had been in a weakened state. I understood what he had been through. But not this, I thought. This was totally different. I remembered Bill telling about how cold a vampire could be. I was only pretending I did not remember. But I did.**_

_**"Far from what actually happened..." I cried, repeating his words;" Was that before or after you took my virginity? Don't tell me the mission was dead then!" **_

_**I was standing so close to Bill that I could have reached out and shoved him. Which is exactly what I felt like doing. If I gave in completely to my emotions, my hysteria, I knew I would fall into a crying fit at his feet! God help me, that's the last thing I wanted to do!**_

_**"I know you don't want to hear this," Bill voice dropped to a whisper, his blue eyes clear and unwavering; "but it's true. The mission was dead. Sophie-Anne's mission. Sookie, I swear it. It's the truest thing in my life."I shook my head at him, all the hurt and pain filling me up inside. I just wanted to hurt him back somehow..**_

_**"No, you don't have a 'life' Bill. You're dead!" I said through clenched jaws, my voice growing hoarse;" You are a vampire. Immortal. And amoral! I always wanted to believe that vampires do have a soul. That we can co-exist. But you are… vicious! You are cold and cruel! And you have no heart, no soul!" **_

_**I was weeping audibly now. I did not care anymore if he saw me crying. Yes, it hurt! I thought nothing could ever come between us. I wiped the tears away, but it did not matter. More tears flooded my eyes to take their place. Bill looked absolutely stone-faced. For one wild moment, I thought he meant to reach out and touch me, but he made no such gesture toward me. **_

_**"No doubt everything you say is probably true," Bill said slowly and calmly;" I know I have hurt you in a way I can never make amends for. And you are right, Sookie. Vampires can be all of those things and more. Sookie , I come from a very dark and predatory place. A place where human values are treated as an afterthought, if at all. You always knew that, Sookie. I told you as much the night we met. There are things I have done, and things I have witnessed, that I will never tell another living soul. But there are regrets I have for the things I have done. And for things in my past that I cannot undo, as you are well aware. The memories and consequences of which, I will have to live with for all eternity."**_

_**I was still trembling and crying, my heart still beating wildly. But still I looked up into Bill's face. I wanted to hear every word he had to say. He went on...**_

_**"Yes, Sookie. When I first came back to town, I was on a mission for my Queen. And our meeting was, not in the least, random. I had every intention of carrying out my mission, just as I had carried out countless other assignments. This was to be no different. You were something of special interest to Sophia-Anne. She held back information from me about you. So, after I met you, I decided to try and find out what intrigued her so much about you. Beyond your telepathy. I thought maybe you were a witch, or a special variant of shifter. Or perhaps you possessed some other supernatural powers. I did not know. But yes. Yes. The appalling truth is, I waited. I had arrived a little later than I had planned for our meeting. But once there I waited Sookie, to see if you could save yourself from that attack. I wanted to see what other powers you would use, or manifest to save yourself. The way you had saved me the night before. I could not understand why you did not defend yourself! I thought, surely, any moment now, she will reveal herself, her power...but it did not happen. How many times did I ask you,'what are you?'"**_

_**Bill's voice finally grew heavy with emotion."And of course, you are right. I knew...my blood could save you. Heal you. I knew you would not perish with my blood! There is no way I would have ever let you die!"**_

_**There wasn't a sound in the foyer, except for the grandfather clock keeping time in the next room. **_

_**I wanted Bill to just go on talking. Go on telling me the truth. No matter how ugly it was. I wanted to hear it. Soak it up. Understand it. The Truth: Stunning and simple and awful. All at the same time. **_

_**After a moment, I found my voice again."Bill…can you...even...imagine, how much pain I was in while you...satisfied your curiosity?"**_

_**"I know you were in pain," Bill said. I repeated his words. **_

_**"You knew I was in pain."**_

_**"I knew the pain would stop." He never blinked. **_

_**I looked deeply into his eyes, still in disbelief. There it was. The vampire disregard for human values, human suffering, still stunning me, in spite of his confession. My anger flared again.**_

_**"I hate you!" I shouted;" Do you think for one moment that I would have let you make love to me, be my first, if I'd known any of this?"**_

_**"I know that you would not." The truth in Bill's blue eyes bore inside of me. "By then, I was falling….falling in love with you, Sookie. Nothing else mattered."**_

_**I sharply took in my breath. Everything, finally, crystal-clear and in its proper place. **_

_**"Well," I said;"at last. Here we have it. All kinds of truth coming out of your mouth, Bill Compton! But where was the truth when I should have had it? You know what? That Rattray trash beating me almost to death was nothing, nothing compared to what you have done to the trust I had in you! I trusted you. And you still have the nerve to talk about love? After…. dishonesty, secrets and lies! You justify it all by telling me you are a vampire!"**_

_**"I justify nothing" Bill said calmly;" I tell you...it was a truth I never wanted you to know." **_

_**There! I had the 'fcuking truth' that I had wanted for months. But I still felt miserable. As if we had been playing a game of chess and Bill had somehow put me into check with the very truth I had demanded of him. I didn't want him to take any comfortable in the fact that he had finally leveled with me. **_

_**"Well, here's a truth I want you to know. I slept with Alcide," I told him suddenly, flippantly. Unexpectedly. The words just tumbled out. I had never planned to say that to him. I wanted him to know that he no was no longer my One And Only. I wanted him to know that another man had enjoyed my body. Another man had discovered his exclusive 'territory.' **_

_**For half a second, Bill looked as though I had struck him. But he recovered quickly. His face went back to placidity.**_

_**"Well," he said coldly;"how is that working out for you?"**_

_**I know my face showed how dumb-struck I was at that point. I could not believe he would say that to me. But Bill gave as good as he got. I had nothing else to try and hurt him with. Before I realized it I had caught him off guard and slapped him across his face. Just as I had before, all those weeks ago in Fangtasia when I first felt the sting of his betrayal. Bill had not moved an inch, but I saw his fangs drop. I could see he was furious with me. He took one step towards me, his arms at his sides. **_

_**"Answer me!" he demanded, his voice now echoing from the walls in the foyer, then when I said nothing, he added;" That's what I call utterly 'useless information!'" **_

_**I raised my hand again, but of course, he was much too quick for me this time. His words were designed to provoke another attack from me and he got what he wanted. Bill grabbed my arm and I struggled in vain to get free.**_

_**"Let go of me!" I screamed, trying to pull away from his hold. Bill's strength has always astounded me. My arm could not move, not one inch. Not forward, not backward. With his other hand, Bill grabbed me round my waist and pulled me closer to him, trying to still my flailing torso. He then managed to hold me with one arm and grabbed both my wrists with his other hand. **_

_**I struggled, knowing it was absolutely hopeless to try and get away from him. There I was wiggling and jerking from side to side, my pride hurt because he was so strong. And now my mind was falling back to that horrible recollection of the time when Bill held me down in Alcide's van. I did not want to go there. I shouted at him, the tears welling up into my eyes again.**_

_**"No! Take your hands off me! Let me go, you monster!"**_

_**With those words out of my mouth, Bill's whole demeanor changed. He wasn't looking at me angrily anymore. He just stared at me. He looked as if I had knocked the wind out of him. He looked as if I were standing a hundred yards away, not directly in front of him. With strong emotion, his fangs had dropped a few minutes ago, but he loosened his grip round my waist and let go of both my arms. His hand came up only to hold my left forearm. Just to steady me, not in a possessive way. **_

_**I stood completely still with his hand on my arm. We looked into each other's eyes. Then he withdrew his hand from my arm. **_

_**I could sense by the look in his eyes that I was completely free to go. Free to leave. I felt guilty for calling him a monster. For even thinking about Jackson, after I had forgiven him that. There was no question in my mind, Bill would never intentionally hurt me. **_After he withdrew his hand, _**I knew Bill and I would never touch each other again. **_

_**And I knew, in the very same moment, that I loved Bill…. beyond all eyes locked. **_

_**Almost magnetically I moved back into his arms, up against his chest. We formed a tight embrace. We kissed each other, the force of our lips meeting together so hard, one of Bill's razor-sharp fangs made a tiny cut to the right side of my upper lip. I felt the instant cut and gasped from the momentary pain of it, as Bill kissed me. His strong arms coming up to support my back, then with his long fingers holding the back of my neck, he held my head where he wanted it to perfect our kiss. **_

_**A tiny bit of my blood oozed from the cut as we kissed. Bill covered the spot and licked the blood from my lip with a groan of pleasure. We kissed each other hungrily, greedily like guilty lovers who had neglected one another for way too long. I opened my mouth and licked Bill's fangs, ever so gingerly with my tongue. And we kept on kissing and kissing. I cupped my hands round his face, his chin. We created a vacuum with our mouths, our tongues probing and dueling, rekindling, reclaiming what belonged to only the two of us. I don't believe anything in this world or the supernatural world could have separated us at that moment. **_

In an instant, _**Bill was backing me up, backing me up, until my hip hit the side of the little hall table. The door key, the velvet box and the book went flying to the wooden floor, as Bill pushed all three aside with his hand and delivered me up onto the table. I wanted Bill more than I had ever wanted him. More than when we had had sex in the graveyard. More than when we were in Dallas, and we had made love non-stop from sunset to sun up in the vampire hotel. More than when we were in the shambles of my bedroom, after I had fought with Debbie, and I wanted to show him How much I missed and loved him then. I had none of his blood in me now, but I was absolutely mad to have him! **_

_**I was desparate to feel him inside of me that very instant. Bill kissed my neck, my shoulders, as he tore away the straps of my cotton smock like it was tissue paper. My breasts were exposed and he licked round each of my nipples making them hard and stand at attention. I felt the pangs of need in my nether lips, so excited now knowing that Bill was finally coming home! I tugged at the button on Bill's jeans and finally opened the zipper. Somehow, I pushed his jeans down around his thighs, Bill holding me, not wanting me to move an inch from where he had me. **_

_**Neither one of us could wait for me to step back to the floor so I could slide my panties down my hips. Bill impatiently pulled the bit of cotton to one side, tearing them as he did and he quickly entered me. My back was pressed firmly against the mirror on the wall above the little table. My legs were bent upward, knees high. Bill hoisted me up with his incredibly strong arms, his hands grasping underneath my bottom. He moved his powerful shaft deep inside me, my flesh opening easily to accommodate his hardness. **_

_**I sat as far back as possible on the small table. Bill had pinned me back against the mirror. The force of his thrusts was so urgent, I could only hold onto him, hoping the table would not give way under his sweet assault. Again and again and again, Bill drove into me, seeking his farthest destiny, wanting to possess me, deeper and deeper. And I wanted to be possessed by him for as long as possible.**_

_**I brought my lips against his ear. "Ohhh Bill, fcuk me..." I moaned;"fcuk me hard!"And he did just that. Our moans were now in unison as he continued without stopping. The power of his thrusts were so completely filling and satisfyingly deep inside me. Bill growled and tightened his embrace around me. The front table legs were leaving the wooden floor now under Bill's pressure. And I was leaving this world, as my body felt completely liquid now, just a vessel to hold my love's erect flesh. Over and over and over again. I was completely wet and Bill was taking me now without any resistance. **_

_**I kicked off my flip-flops and drew up my legs until I could place both my heels on the edge of the table. With my legs fully open, Bill grew even more excited. He spread my bottom which caused an even better sensation than before and changed his rhythm slightly, driving me crazy with desire and the perfection of that raw sensation. With my eyes open I moved my chin down, found his mouth and kissed him, giving up myself to him, as I had always done. **_

_**Every inch of my body, holding nothing back. Every stroke Bill gave me took us both further and further away from the hurt, the lost weeks, all the pain, all the time we had spent apart. We were not just making love. I don't know what we were making. We were making the passion that neither one of us could deny. We were making desire. Making jealousy. Sweetheart, I am jealous of every moment I spent without you! Making don't ever keep the truth from me again! Making forgiveness. I forgive you, my darling! Bill was right up to his length inside of me. I could feel his balls knocking against the lower part of my moist opening. He had me. In every way. Totally and completely. My body. My heart. I love you so much! And I am his. [Sookie is mine!] I am his. [Sookie is mine!] I AM HIS!**_

_**I was lost in the fullness of this pleasure, having Bill with me again. **_

_**Suddenly, he stopped, drew his head back from my shoulder and looked deeply into my eyes. He searched my face looking for the truth, the depth of my feelings...which he surely already knew. I was there. I had run back to him. I saw the love and the passion burning brightly in his eyes. He moved his body up slightly and he found that precious spot, the prelude of sensations leading to my orgasm. Bill 's eyes were heavy with love and desire. I wanted to kiss him again, but as always, I remembered, he wanted to watch my face as I came. **_

_**He slid into me again and again, spinning me on his shaft, making me delirious until he released that feeling in me that I knew would finally come. I relaxed my head back against the mirror enjoying the delicious sensations as they tumbled one into the other. Bill had moved his hands from my bottom and had cupped both my breasts, still thrusting forward until I had reached my peak and glided completely over. I called out his name in a whimpering frenzy that I could not hold back. **_I _**held his slim waist, looking at him through half-opened eyes, my sheath still in spasms. He lowered his head slightly, I thought to bare his fangs and sink his teeth into my throat. **_

_**But no. Bill reverently kissed my cheek, and leaned in his forehead touching my temple. **_

_**"Sookie...I love you," he whispered. I pulled him close to me, overwhelmed with emotion.**_

_**I was totally spent. My heels slid off the table. With Bill's help, I lifted my legs up round his waist where I locked my heels across his back, still enjoying him as he reached his pleasure deep inside me. **_

End of Chapter Two….to be continued….


	3. Chapter 3

[This is the third installment of this story. Again, if you are not accustomed to or do not want to read material with a Mature theme, please do not go any further into this story. However...if you enjoyed the last two chapters, please continue on. I hope you will find it entertaining. Thank you:)]

HBTD Chapter Three ~

I stretched out across Bill's bed, floating on a cloud of pure contentment.

I remember so well the ticking of the grandfather clock in the parlor, so much slower than my rapid heartbeat. Before we left the foyer and the sturdy little hall table, Bill had put his arms around me so tightly, our passion spent for the moment. He was still inside of me. Actually, our arms were around each other as neither one of us wanted to let go. It was as if we both felt that the spell of this glorious and unexpected morning might be broken if we loosed our grip on each other. Or moved to disengage ourselves from one another in any way.

We were cheek to cheek and I was smiling, just revelling in the feel of his flesh inside my flesh. His arms protectively and lovingly around me. His shoulders, his back, his bottom which I squeezed so thankfully. After a moment, Bill moved himself back and looked down into my eyes.

"Sookie...Sookie..." he said, his long fingers brushing across the top of my left shoulder, in a soothing way. Now, I absolutely wanted to hear him saying my name, over and over again as he held me close; "please don't leave. Please stay here with me," Bill said.

The cool facade he had earlier was now completely gone. His voice was full of emotion. And his eyes were full of sincerity. I took his beautiful face in my palms and looked at him intently.

"I am not going anywhere," I whispered to him, pulling my fingers through his dark hair and searching his blue eyes.

I could not believe he would even think I was going to leave him now. Not now. Not ever, if I could help it. Our kisses were less urgent then. Long and clinging, full of rediscovery and 'hello, that's right, these are the lips I cherish, the mouth I want for the rest of my life!' Our tongues were in a kind of embrace as well, that still sent shivers down my spine and all the way to the very tips of my toes. I was in a type of euphoria. Almost not believing that Bill and I were together again.

We smiled at each other as my fingers came up slowly along side his jaw and I touched a dampness near his right ear and realized it was blood on my fingertips.

"Bill, you're getting the bleeds," I said with concern. I had forgotten this was possible. One of the particular consequences unique to vampires who do not get their proper rest; "how long has it been since you slept?" I asked him.

He shook his head, shrugging it off, not wanting to tell me. Suddenly he was pulling back even further. He disengaged himself from me, pulling up his jeans and zipping them quickly. And in another smooth movement, he quickly took me up into his arms and swiftly carried me up the stairs and into the master bedroom. I pulled off what was left of my cotton smock, which Bill had torn into shreds. And then I shimmied out of my panties, which were only held together by a few tattered threads after Bill's powerful thrusts into me.

I dropped the tattered garments to the floor. And that is when I climbed up into my cloud of pure contentment. Bill's wonderful four-poster bed. He had removed his clothes as well, by still standing next to the bed. And he was watching me lying across his bed again. It was like coming home. I loved Bill's bed. I loved the smell of the huge goose-feather stuffed pillows. And the plumbness of the old~fashioned mattress so firm and comfortable. The white cotton sheets, so cool and starchy, just as I remembered in all of my dreams.

I slid happily between the linensheets and held out my arms to Bill. He waited...just looking at me. And even though I could not read his thoughts, I knew we were thinking the exact same thought, at the exact same moment: how is it possible that we are here together again, after all this time? How, after everything that has happened, and all these weeks...you are here with me again, my love? So unexpected.

I smiled at him. The depth of true happiness was living inside my soul again. Then Bill crawled across the mattress and over to me, placing his hands on either side of my hips, then up my waiting arms and moving completely over me, he came to rest his body atop mine. I pulled the light~weight top sheet up over both of us, moving my legs apart to make a cozy spot for Bill to settle in. And we just hugged each other.

After a moment, Bill moved up onto his elbows. And what he spoke of, I knew I could have been speaking the same words back to him. He was looking at me very seriously.

"Sookie, I sleep and I dream of you," Bill said quietly;" I wake and every thought has you in it. This is why I do not rest well anymore. My darling, you should not love me... but you do," he said, holding my hands;" I know you do. And I cannot help myself. I cannot help myself from wanting you, needing you. Although I know I have no right to ever hope for us again."

I gently smoothed the tossled hair from his forehead. I could not help the tiny smile that was on my lips.

"Yes, I love you, Bill," I said;"But now I know, that the 'right' to love is given between two people. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I know somewhere deep inside me I always knew I would forgive you. I struggled against it. Because of that imaginary 'line' that everyone told me should not be crossed. You know...there are 'unforgivable' things. Deal-breakers. And maybe there are. But... I had to ask myself, how much does it matter how we met? Isn't it more important that we have met? I know you love me."

Bill thought about what I had said. He took my hand and reverently kissed the back of it. He held his lips to my skin for a long moment.

"I do love you," he said giving my hand a little squeeze; "more than you will ever know, my Sookie." He lifted his head and looked at me again; "But I am responsible for the greatest hurt of your young life. And I took something very special away from you... not just your innocence. But the innocence you believed in about the night we met. And I hate I did that to you. If I could go back and change things...believe me, that would be first on the list."

I shook my head. "No matter what, you know we can't go back. But maybe we can make things better for tomorrow. You know, it was Jason, of all people, who said to me once that if you love someone you gotta love it all, or it ain't love."

Bill rose his eyebrows. "Jason said that?"

"Yes," I smiled.

"Remind me to thank him." Bill smiled, but now he looked extremely tired.

"Oh," I said;"and I want to thank you for all the beautiful, beautiful flowers that you have been sending to me. I've thrown away quite a lot of them!"

Bill threw back his head and laughed. "I adore you," he said, his blue eyes filled with all the love I remembered and all the love I needed to sustain me.

"Rest now..." I whispered; "Bill, you must rest...we can talk later."

Without protest, Bill lowered himself down over me again and settled his head between my breasts. I kissed the top of his head and he finally closed his eyes. I encircled his shoulders and held him close, cradling him like a baby. I felt so strong. I felt so relieved. I felt as if a heavy burden had been lifted from my heart. And for the first time, in many weeks, I felt at peace with myself and Bill.

And then I understood that withholding forgiveness doesn't just affect the person who needs the forgiving. The anger and the sadness and the regret can tear you apart as well. It can tear you up even more. I began to wonder, could it have truly been Gran who had sent me running across the graveyard that day? Had she been telling me to follow my heart, as I had always done? Ironically, while Bill was feeling tired enough to sleep, I was feeling rejuvenated and wide awake.

While I lay there with Bill sleeping peacefully across me, my eyes went up and were drawn to the large, black tarps that Bill had placed over every window. I had a mental image of him standing on the wooden footstool I had seen at the top of the stairs earlier. And I could imagine Bill going from window to window, his arms stretching upward and placing the long, heavy tarps over his head and positioning them carefully to every curtain rod. Suddenly I thought about how lonely it must have been for him, stirring around in this big empty house for the last ten weeks. He had been all alone. Jessica was living with Hoyt now.

Sam had put Jessica and me on two different shifts at Merlotte's. I guess Sam had taken into consideration everything that had happened. And he knew it would have been awkward for Jessica and me to work along side one another. I wondered again, how long had it been since Bill had slept? He probably had been doing a lot of reading because he loved that. I could tell the sunlight was bursting just behind the heavy tarps.

I reveled in the feel of Bill's skin touching mine and I listened to the sounds of the hazy, summer afternoon just outside the window: a tractor slowly plowing along a field in the distance; the sound of several hammers tapping as some men were working to replace shingles on a nearby roof; the rustling of the leaves in the old Compton chinaberry tree just outside the bedroom window. I heard the gnawing buzz of a huge drone bee as he hit the window glass. And I heard the sound of the bluebirds singing to one another. My heart was singing!

Bill was sound asleep on top of me now. At the risk of waking him, I hugged him again. But he did not move. It made me feel so good to know that he wanted me right there. He did not want me to go anywhere and he was making sure of that. He was so sorry for everything. The way everything had happened. And I hoped he believed that I had fully forgiven him. I did not want Bill to go on brooding about anything he thought he had 'taken away' from me. Because he had given me much, much more. I would make him understand.

I took such comfort in the knowledge that love is ordained by a higher power and that we each of us can no more pick the object of our affections, than we can pick the colour of our own eyes. Or our parents. Our our birthdate. Surely, there must be some celestial plan in motion that is keeping Bill and I together.I could not help but smile about that. Because I really believed it was true. Already I was anticipating sunset, when Bill would awaken and we would look into each others' eyes again and talk and laugh together once more.

At some point during that afternoon, I had finally drifted off to sleep with Bill. And I awoke to the slightest touch of Bill's cool fingers travelling upward into the tangled curls at the back of my head, just above my hairline. It was after sunset. Somehow, we had moved on the mattress and I had turned onto my side, during our nap. Bill touched me in that special way of his, not absent-minded, but always with purpose. I kept my eyes closed for several moments and just enjoyed his full attention. I loved the way he played with my hair. Gently pulling back any wispy curls from my forehead that tried to escape his notice.

I remembered those first few times after our lovemaking, I used to think to myself, 'well surely by now Bill must know where every freckle is on me!' Every mole, every line and intention in my skin. Bill is so meticulous about looking at me and enjoying my body in every way. I would think, 'my body cannot possibly hold any further mystery for this man. Not any longer!' But still, after those early days, during each and every one of our intimate moments, Bill seemed to marvel at every part of my anatomy. As if each time he gazed upon me was the very first time. He is so appreciative. His concentration on my form makes me feel that he believes I am the only girl in the world for him. And it is incredibly erotic!

When we first started seeing one another, I had always tried so hard to stay awake the entire night with Bill. But, sometimes, especially after we made love, it was nearly impossible not to fall asleep-at least for a short while. Just a short nap. Bill would sometimes read to me in bed. One of his beloved history books. Or he would sometimes tell me stories about the 19th that had actually happened to him or to people that he had known. He would tell me about what it was like to live in Bon Temps before and during the Civil War years. Bill had talked about his childhood only once. He had talked about when he was a young boy, running in the yard, climbing a huge apple tree that used to stand at the back of the Compton property.

Bill said that in the afternoons, after he came home from school, he would find a spot on one of the highest branches of the apple tree to read his schoolbook. He said he remembered plucking a huge dark red apple from the treetop and he remembered biting into it, enjoying it, while he sat on a big fat branch reading his book. Bill said, in sharing the memory of that happy little thing with me, it was so strange. It had seemed to him that memory was crystal clear. Like it had happened only yesterday and not centuries ago. I was so glad that he had shared that funny little fragment of time from his childhood with me. It made me feel so good that Bill had shared that memory with me.

These were the moments that Bill and I had shared together when I know he was being completely honest with me. And there had been many, many more. Of course, Bill would tease me, sometimes when I could not stay awake.

"One of these nights, Sookie...you will open your eyes and I will have gone!" he would say, with one eyebrow raised.

I had thrown a pillow at him! We both knew he would never have left me. And then there had been the times when we would lay in each others' arms for far too long. Only minutes before daylight. I would run around the room, hurrying to get dressed because Bill always wanted to walk me home. Or if we were at my house, I would go crazy trying to get Bill out before the final minutes before daybreak. No matter what I said, Bill would still take his sweet time about leaving.

He knew when he fooled around like that it agitated me to no end! Made me so frantic! Bill would sit on the edge of my bed, slowly pulling on his pants and then his shirt, watching me in amusement. Both of us knowing Bill has that vampire-speed thing, it infuriated me. Sometimes I think I cared more about him making it back to his resting place before daybreak than he did. I would shake my head at him, hit him playfully against his chest and think to myself,' hold back the dawn, Lord...please hold back the dawn!' I lay there, thinking about all these crazy little things. And I know that there are a hundred other little moments that I have forgotten that we have shared when I could feel every bit of the truth in our relationship. And every bit of love.

It has always been the most difficult thing to say good-bye to each other at dawn. Just before first light. Almost painful really. Especially in the very beginning when leaving Bill's side and knowing that all of the daylight hours were stetched out before me. It would be so many long and agonizing minutes to go before Bill would hold me again...until I would be back inside Bill's embrace again. I know Bill felt it too. Just before dawn, the final moments before we had to part. Bill going into the darkness. Me going into the light.

Our hands, our fingers, grasping tightly together, not wanting to let go. Our hugs so urgent, lingering, neither one of us wanting to severe our embrace. Our eyes pinned to each other. Our long, intense kisses. And then...finally...good bye... good morning...good night! Over and over, my life was truly at night. Over and over again, my life is with Bill. And we had done this, again and again. We have been a part of each other. And I know Bill had suffered so much for my sake. How could I have ever forgotten those things?

I opened my eyes and brought my arm back to touch his head. Bill was looking down along the side of my hip. His right hand left my hair and slowly travelled up to my rib cage. His fingertips caressed my thigh, my knee. His hand kneaded my calf, gently squeezing. His hand moved over me as if he were checking to make sure that I was not a vision. That I was really lying there next to him in his bed. Maybe he was remembering one of his own dreams. He bent his head and kissed me just below my shoulder, where a tiny bruising had formed where I had clumsily hit the closet door jam downstairs earlier.

Bill began kissing the back of my neck. Again, I thought he might release his fangs to feed on me. It would have been perfectly fine with me if he had wanted to. But again he did not. I felt Bill's love in every gentle pause of his fingers, his lips, in every thoughtful loving touch he gave to my body. Soon, his lips were leaving my shoulder and I felt him giving attention to and pressing tiny kisses down the middle of my back. I purred like a kitten, closing my eyes.

I was in heaven again.

He rose back up and placed his nose just behind my ear. He brought his hand to nestle across my right breast.

"Good evening, Miss Stackhouse," Bill whispered. I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Good evening," I said shyly.

"I would like to ask you, if you would be so inclined as to join me in the shower?"


	4. HOLD BACK THE DAWN Chapter Four

[HBTD Fourth installment of Five Chapters in this series of events. WARNING: Please be advised. This is a story with MATURE themes and language. If you were uncomfortable with Chapter Three, you definitely do not want to continue. Bill and Sookie are on a journey of 'rediscovery' after a long time apart. If you have been enjoying their journey, please continue... I hope this story will continue to entertain:) ]

Oh yes. I was definitely so inclined. But before Bill and I got into the shower, I called Jason on Bill's cell phone and told him not to worry about me...I was with Bill. I had to leave a voice mail message, because Jason did not pick up. I only wish I could have seen the look on my brother's face when he heard my message. After days and days of finding me in abject depression, I am sure Jason's mouth was hanging open when he listened to my message.

I found that Bill had lit all the candles in his bathroom, while I had been leaving my voicemail for Jason. Just as he had the very first time we shared the old~fashioned claw foot tub together. I saw where he had laid the fluffy white cotton towels piled high on the Victorian~styled nail-trimmed chair, just outside the bathroom door, waiting for us after our shower. When I entered and pushed the bathroom door closed, I noticed Bill's huge ornate, red velvet robe was hanging on the hook behind the door, just as I remembered.

All of these little things now taking on a great significance for me. Because I thought I would never experience them again. Yet, here we were. And I did not want to miss noticing not one detail of our first evening back together. It was all so precious to me. There was only one thing better than making love with Bill in his huge four-poster bed. And that was making love with Bill in the shower. Water signifies the root of all life on this planet. And water seemed to invigorate Bill more than anything, beyond his rising at sunset.

After having a peaceful nap, Bill's eyes were now clear, the deepest shade of azure blue. He looked rested. He looked happy. He took my hand, squeezing it gently with his strong lean fingers as we stepped onto the tile floor inside the shower enclosure. We stood face to face for a moment. Bill looked at me intently, his eyes almost twinkling with happiness. His hands were poised across my back. He was looking deeply into my eyes. I knew, if that was to have been my last night on earth, there wasn't anywhere else I wanted to be then right there with Bill.

It is an awesome shower. There was no shabby plastic curtain, porcelain fixture like in my shower. No shower doors at all. Bill had had the whole space professionally redone. Where the dated 1930s stall once stood, now there was an incredible, modern, state-of-the-art enclosure. Glass and brass. Recessed lighting. Powerful jets were all along one side of the wall. Italian marble tile on the floor beneath our feet. A magnificent ten-foot high glass-blocked space that was wide enough for probably six people to stand in comfortably without touching one another. But it was just for me and Bill.

I glanced over at the original, claw-foot antique tub that Bill had kept, just a few feet away. Bill and I had sometimes sat in there together. We had laid back inside the tub and talked, made love in there. The bathtub looked so strange in contrast to the modern new shower structure. But in a funny sort of way, the old-fashioned tub and the upscale shower were perfect metaphors for both sides of Bill's personality. He had lived so long and had adjusted to so much throughout all of these many years. Bill felt completely comfortable with either structure. Both could coexist in his life. His world. There was harmony in having both. And I felt completely comfortable with Bill. I felt so safe and so loved.

I watched as Bill adjusted the water flow as it cascaded down from the huge deluxe shower head. There was the option of a hand-held feature that could detach from its stationary position. There were eight different pressure pulses which could accommodate any angle its user pleased. I remember thinking, we could have a lot of fun in here. Bill turned on a couple of the lower placed jets and the water sprinkled out at my calves, as well as my torso and my upper body. Bill joined me in the ferocious spray. And I watched him for a few minutes.

I feasted my eyes on Bill's beautifully toned frame as he turned around in front of me. Bill had the sculptured body of a man who had worked the land, what had been the old farm fields on the Compton property in the 1860s. And then as a soldier in the war, the exercise drills he had surely been apart of and the disciplines of walking for long distances and carrying heavy bundles of gear and firearms for hours at a time. All this had fashioned every muscle on him. I looked down at the sinewy shape and bulges in his thighs. Then up to his pumping shoulders, the muscles moving across his back so tight, just in front of me as he immersed himself in the water jets.

I appreciated every curve of his chiseled biceps as he turned. The leanness in his tampered tummy and waistline. And all the rippling muscle movements above and below his waist. Moving and working as he raised his arms upward and dipped his dark head into the stream of running water. I reached out and aggressively squeezed his bottom. He gave a little laugh and turned to me with a smile on his lips, pulling me close to him.

"O.k. We are standing in water but you, my darling, are about to start a fire," he said playfully.

"Absolutely,"I said;"one huge fire."I looked up at him placing my hands on his chest, knowing I wanted to fulfill every desire he had. I brought my hand down along the flatness of his tummy and smoothed the dark hair that began at his navel. I reached down further still, my hand resting over his shaft. Bill quickly took my mouth. Our coupling downstairs on the little hall table had been urgent, primal, lustful. Nice and rough. But now standing in the warmth of the water together, we wanted to slow things down for a time and just enjoy each others bodies.

The reunion that neither of us ever thought was possible, had miraculously happened. I wanted to enjoy every inch of Bill. And I knew he wanted to enjoy every inch of me. The water flowed gently over us, as we pressed ourselves against each other. Bill's hands caressed me firmly, knowingly. I knew he was doing the same thing I was. Remembering and appreciating again and again what he thought had been lost. He gently stroked my arms, my back, my bottom. Skin-on-skin. Bill kissed me turning his head this way, then that way, his tongue tangling intensely with mine. He kissed me until my lips felt full and swollen, my nipples becoming hard against the curls of his hairy wet chest. I felt his hardening manhood pressed just above my navel. His strong arms continued to engulf me, envelop me in his loving embrace. Every kiss told me how truly he had missed me.

And God knows, I had missed him. Bill pulled me further into the stream of water flowing over our heads and I gasped as we kissed and some of the water had sprung into my nose. I lifted back my chin to drench my hair completely. While my eyes were closed for just a second, Bill had taken a tube of his hair wash and held it above me, raining golden ribbons of the liquid soap down into my hair. He then kneaded his long fingers into my hair my scalp, until the shampoo felt cool and refreshing. Still facing each other, I brought my arms round his neck, as he gave my scalp a sensuous massage. I loved the touch of Bill's strong, sure fingers.

"Does this feel good?" he asked me. I smiled and nodded, looked up as he kissed the tip of my nose. He soaped up his own hair then and went into the stream of water again as I put my arms around him and placed tiny kisses down the middle of his muscular , Bill turned me around, facing me away from him. I brought my head all the way back to find the stream of water and rinsed the remaining shampoo from my head, as Bill kissed the side and back of my neck, sliding his hands down along my sides. Then he brought his hands back up to my breasts, cupping them.

I laid my head further still, until I was resting back on Bill's chest. I closed my eyes as Bill began searching my body with his hands. He rubbed my breasts, kneading them in his capable hands for several minutes, until I grew weak in the knees. He kissed the side of my throat, while tracing his fingers gently down both my arms, along my ribcage, then across my tummy, sending shivers throughout my entire body. He placed his left hand on my tummy. Then his right hand stroked in circles at my back that started wider but then the motion went into ever smaller circles until his fingers slid down into the cleft of my bottom, seeking until he found a pleasure point that I didn't know I had until just then.

As I was quickly finding out, Bill still had more things to teach me about myself. My body was now heightened to his ever touch, his every insinuation. I was completely relaxed and ready to learn. As always, there was nothing I did not want to experience with Bill. His right hand left my back then he traveled down around to place his hand over my mons while his left arm came across me around my waist. He pulled me firmly back against his body and I instinctively knew where his right hand was going. I planted my feet firmly on the marble floor and I spread my legs apart a little. I felt Bill's beautiful middle finger descend down, then up a little, he paused suddenly.

"May I?" he whispered, his lips at my left ear. I could hear the teasing tone in his voice.

"Oh yes, Bill...please..." I thought I would die if he did not put his finger inside me. He moved his fingers again, over my mons, exploring there just a little, then down and up again. Suddenly, he pushed his two middle fingers into my already wet opening. I let out a little moan as he entered me, pulling me firmly back against him.I could feel the engorged head of his manhood rubbing persistently against my bottom. I could not help closing my eyes again at this wonderful sensation. I relaxed, a spasm quivering up my back and slithered between my legs and inside my sheath as Bill continued to push his fingers into me. I knew how wonderful Bill's hardness felt inside me, especially when he entered me from behind but this delicious prelude with his fingers was driving me mad.

Bill knew how to arouse every carnal need in me. As he kept his fingers working inside of me, I felt the wet glide of his tongue trace down my my earlobe and to my neck. He kissed me there, then took his tongue out along my shoulder. Fire snaked through my breasts and down into the pit of my tummy with wanton anticipation. I felt as though I could not wait any longer for Bill to get inside me. I spread my legs a little further as he applied more and more pressure with his fingers, circling and mimicking exactly the act of intercourse, his fingers now sliding effortlessly in and out of me. Up, down, side to side, my body jerking in tiny spasms as Bill held me back again his body. I was moaning whimpering, straining lost in my pleasure. It felt so good, if Bill had not been holding me so firmly, I may have fallen forward against the shower enclosure!

My legs were completely open now, Bill leaning over me and holding me up, the water running down our right sides . Bill's thick shaft pressed against my bottom. He continued thrusting his fingers, deeply, rhythmically up into me. The walls of my sheath were completely open to him, hungrily responding to Bill's intense foreplay. Finally, more than I could bear, I grabbed the back of his hand as he brought me to my first shuddering climax with his fingers. Bill growled into my ear as I still had my eyes closed. I was feeling dizzy, exultant and totally consumed in the moment as he helped me complete my need. As I came, I cried out for Bill to sink his fangs into me but he did Bill withdrew, licked at my essence from his fingers, turning me back to face him. He kissed me passionately wanting me to taste myself on his tongue. He extended his kisses down to my breasts, the valley between them, down further to my tummy, then my navel.

"Sookie, I want to taste more of you," he said, his voice heavily laced with desire. He knelt before me and I was spreading my legs apart again.

At first the only thing I could think to hold on to were Bill's shoulders and the top of his head. Then I looked up at the huge shower nuzzle over my head. I pushed the nuzzle back, so the water ran behind Bill, my hands up holding on as Bill was going down, kissing my thighs, my mons. He took my pleasure bud into his mouth and suckled it between his lips. I gasped my pleasure, enjoying every sensation he was searing through me. I cried out his name as he held my thighs apart and flattened his tongue along my sheath. He held my bottom steady as I continued to writhe uncontrollably, holding onto the shower nozzle as Bill thoroughly made love to me with his incredible tongue. I felt completely uninhibited as Bill fused his tongue to me, released that powerful feeling, taking me soaring over the edge again and again.

As the feeling started to wane a little, he knew just when to release me. He stood up and took me back into his arms again. I was still panting and very much aware that we were only getting started. Bill looked deeply into my eyes. He had both his hands on either side of my face and pulled me close to him. We stood like this for a long moment, lost in the intimacy of just being together. We kissed each other gently at first. But then our kisses became more possessive, more demanding. My blood turned into fire again. My breasts tingled, my nipples peaked painfully, my belly went taut with longing, as Bill crushed me to him, his arms like steel bands around me. I wanted Bill to take me with his whole body this time.

"Take me," I said out loud, between our fervent kisses.

The water was beginning to run lukewarm now. Bill reached over and shut off the flow of water. Then he looked at me. I turned away from him again, letting him know this is how I wanted him. I pressed my palms against the tile wall in anticipation. I felt Bill's cool, flat chest push against my back. I felt the smoothness of the head of his heavy, stiff shaft touching at the right angle towards my opening. I felt Bill's forehead leaning slightly touching against my shoulder. He positioned his hands my hips. He tightened his hold there. The hair on the back of my neck stood up and a chill raced down my spine in anticipation. With my hands still pressed at the tile wall, I felt Bill take his thumbs and spread my bottom cheeks, very gently. The silky head of his manhood, unerringly, found my swollen sheath and he entered me from behind. He bent his legs a little lower as he went into me and I reached up a little further onto my tiptoes for a second as we adjusted for each other. His hands came round and covered both my breasts and for a moment, neither of us moved. We both were just enjoying the sensations. Enjoying the miracle of being together again.

"I have never wanted anyone the way I want you..." Bill said softly against my ear. I let out a long breath, my eyes half-closed, a joy, a passion, a fire welling up inside me for Bill that I knew would never be quenched.

"I belong to you, Bill..." I panted, resting my forehead against the tile wall;" ..you know...every inch of me is yours..."

When I said that, Bill steadied my hips further and with a satisfied growl, he positioned himself low enough to thrust his manhood straight up into me. With an unerring pressure he moved forward, straight through until he was anchored deep inside me. I whimpered with each of his powerful movements...but it hurt so good! Our earlier foreplay and my climax with his tongue had left me completely hot and supple. Wantonly wanting every one of his thrusts, I leaned forward a little more. And with long, deliberately slow strokes, Bill made me his again and again. I just wanted him to go on and on, taking me, possessing me, never let me go.

Time and place had ceased to exist. Nothing mattered except this cataclysmic desire I had for Bill. This rush of erotic frenzy. I welcomed the exquisite little pain that I was experiencing with Bill's thrusts so sure, so strong inside me. I relished every moment, loving the fullness of his flesh. And the tiny pangs soon gave way to liquid tremors, a fleshquake of pleasure that was unstoppable in its intensity. Bill always knew when my passion was soaring above all my other senses. Backing up against him, my body began to writhe and wiggle involuntarily, losing every bit of control, as I met every one of his captivating movements.

At the last moments, I pressed toward the wall, but Bill pulled me back. Letting go of my breasts he grabbed my waist with his left arm, his right arm going to my groin where he anchored his nimble fingers on each side down over my sheath and pressed his working manhood on, helping me feel my release even deeper. During this fierce mating, my insides wildly pulsating, I tightened my inner muscles along Bill's shaft to increase his pleasure and we came rode on the spasms of climax, our moans echoing as we reached the summit together. My head falling back against Bill's chest, his left arm like a vise under my breasts, his right hand between my legs.

I was aware my toes were leaving the tile floor again and again as Bill hoisted me up on his shaft. I was helpless to the delicious sensations racking and quivering through my entire body. Minutes later, Bill gave me his last thrust. My feet went flat against the floor, as he lowered me down, his torso still loomed across mine. I did not want us to separate. I brought my arm over his. I did not want him to move. I felt his mouth open against the back of my neck and I heard his fangs drop. Finally, I thought, here it is. Bill is going to feed on me now. But again, to my surprise, he did not. I heard him retract his fangs. I felt him brushing tiny, loving kisses across the back of my neck, then he held me so close, his nose buried in my hair.

End of Chapter Four...to be continued...


	5. Chapter 5

Bill had wrapped his red velvet robe, trimmed in silk, around me as I stepped from the shower. I had stretched out my arms, open wide, waiting as he had slipped each one of the soft gigantic sleeves across my arms, and up my shoulders. I pulled the robe around me, tying the wide belt, watching as the hem of the heavy fabric pooled on the floor around me. I was unable to stop grinning. The robe only mimicked what I was already feeling. I was engulfed in a feeling of warmth and security and contentment being with Bill again. I was wrapped in his robe and then I bounded from the master bath and into the bedroom, feeling so happy I thought I would burst.

Bill walked right past me as I hopped, knees first, onto the bed. He strutted right over to the long window that was closest to the chinaberry tree outside and with his left hand he tore away the black tarp, unfastened the window latch and pushed open the double window panes. The cool night air quickly blew back into the room fluttering the curtain lace. I hugged one of the bed posts, feeling completely satisfied and giggling at Bill, as he stood naked in front of the open window.

"You know, I sincerely hope that Mrs. Fortenberry does not look up here while drivin' home on her way back from the Bingo Palace tonight," I said; "It would put the icing on the cake, Bill Compton, for her to see you standin' at the window in the all-together like that!"

He gave me an exaggerated look of shock, which only made me crack up again. Then he moved up even closer to the window sill. "Mrs. Fortenberry!" he called;" This could be your lucky night, Madam, should you choose to leave your numbered card boards and your magic markers on the table!"

We both laughed and I sprang from the bed to join him at the window."PLEASE, sir! " I said, tossing Bill a towel;" I implore you! DO cover yourself!"

Bill pretended as if he did not know what to do with that towel. He twirled it around in the air like a lasso. He scratched his head, then, at last, he made a great show of wrapping the towel around his midsection. My cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing so much. I clapped my hands at his excellent efforts. He gave a grand, gentlemanly bow forward at my approval. Then he pulled me in front of him, placing his arms around me, and we stood looking out of the window together. The moon was just a thumbnail, but still very bright just above the tree tops. The night sky was overcast, silvery clouds rolling by. It looked like rain was on the way in the next few hours. I thought of all the moons that Bill and I had gazed upon together. But this one had to be the most perfect moon of all! Bill's chin was against my temple, then I felt him plant a kiss there. I relaxed against him.

"May I ask you one very personal question, Miss Stackhouse?"

"Why yes, indeed, Mr. Compton... You may."

"Are you...by any stretch of the imagination...a little hungry?" Again, the tones of our voices echoed together in laughter.

"Well yes." I said,"Now that you mention it, sir, I am completely ravenous!"

Bill tightened his arms around me. "Let's go to Merlotte's," he said suddenly.

I turned slightly to look at him."Are you serious?""I am, yes." I could only stare at him. That was the last thing I expected him to say. But before I could say anything else, Bill's cell phone rang. We glanced over at the phone, lying on the night stand. Bill looked back at me. The phone rang persistently again and again.

"You gonna get that?" I said; " it could be Jason."

"It's not Jason," Bill said. He was not smiling;" I have to take this."

"Of course..." I said. Bill walked over to the night stand and swiftly picked up the cell phone. He then walked back toward the bedroom door, turning his back to me. The call had interrupted the serenity of our evening together. And as always, it reminded me that there was a world outside, beyond the world that Bill and I had created together. A world ready to pounce and claim us, pulling us back to reality. But after all, it had been nearly twelve hours since I had eaten anything to eat. And even though I wished that I could live on Bill's love alone, sadly, living on love was not possible.

I thought about how crazy it would be if decided to show up at Merlotte's just before closing time - was still immersed in his telephone conversation. He walked over to his dresser and looked at his watch. Then he paced back over to the window. I moved further away from him, turning aimlessly around the room, hugging his robe close to me. I traced a line with my fingers across the fine, shiny mahogany finish of his dresser, looking at his hair brush, his wristwatch next to the brush, and a pair of onyx cuff links.

"I understand that time is of the essence in these matters..." Bill said into the telephone, glancing at me.

I tried to give him more privacy with the telephone call. I continued moving slowly around the room, looking at the pictures on the wall, which I had gazed at a hundred times. I busied myself with picked up Bill's white henley shirt and his jeans from the floor. I carefully folded them, placing them gently on the corner chair. I thought about performing that little chore for Bill. What if I could do that everyday? I thought about how I wanted nothing more than to take care of him, always. This was just a little domestic gesture performed by all girlfriends or wives, at some point during a relationship, I thought. And of course, most women probably take a tiny normal thing like that - something they do for their men- totally for granted. Or maybe they even dislike it. But I felt like I never would. Taking care of Bill like that, [washing his clothes and cleaning his house] the way I really wanted to, is a luxury of time and normalcy that I will probably never have with Bill, I thought.

I was lost in my thoughts and suddenly I realized that Bill was no longer talking on his cell was staring at me, a serious look on his face, his brows knitted together. I smiled at him.

"Bill, is everything o.k.?" I asked.

Bill tossed his cell phone over onto the mattress.

"Sookie...I have to go out of town on business...tonight."I was stunned.

"What? Tonight?" I was dumbstruck. The light mood of our evening had evaporated.

"Yes." he said. "Sookie, I've been expecting that call for a few days now. I had no idea when it would actually come through."

He looked irritated. Frustrated. He was still standing near the open window. I was near the bed. I sat down on the edge of the mattress, looking at him.

"How long will you be gone? Where are you going?" I said slowly, still in disbelief.

He walked over and took my hands. "I don't know for how long. "he said."Sookie...there are still many things that I cannot share with you. I can tell you that the Queen of Louisiana is dead. She has met the True Death. You have nothing to fear from her ever again, Sookie. But….I am involved in….other things. Things you are better off not knowing at this point. Please try to understand, Sookie."

I looked down. My hands were so small in his. I looked back into his eyes.

"I can understand that, really. Vampire business and all..." I nodded; "It has nothing to do with me. Can you at least tell me where you're goin'?"

Bill searched my face. His finger came up and traced the tiny cut above my lip; "I really should not." he said quietly, hesitating. Then he added; "New York.

"I know my mouth fell open. "New York?" I gasped;"Bill…."

For some reason I thought Bill would be closer to home. New Orleans, maybe, but not New York! Part of me wondered what Bill was really involved in. And I know it is awful, but part of me was envious. I had always wanted to see New York. I had a mental picture of Times Square at night, all lit up and beautiful. The restaurants, the Broadway shows. Hell, I had never been anywhere, except Dallas... Suddenly I was struck with the realization that Bill was far more sophisticated than me. Not only had he lived many life times, he had lived all over the world. If this had been a different sort of trip, Bill could have taken me with him. I would have loved to go with him. I was already feeling the pangs of separation from him. The reality that this night with Bill was surely coming to an end.

"When-when do you have to leave?" I lowered my head. Bill put his index finger under my chin and lifted my eyes to his.

"Arrangements have been made for me," Bill said; "I have a 2 a.m. flight."

"Not tonight?" my voice cracked; "tomorrow morning...early...so soon..."

He pulled me up from the edge of the bed to a standing position against him, circling my shoulders.

"Sweetheart, just one more day and I would not have been here," Bill said with emotion; "Sookie your timing was perfect."

His expression was serious and sad. Then I knew for sure it was Gran who had sent me running across the graveyard to Bill's house that morning. Gran who had answered my tiny prayer.

"Well, you know what they say, 'timing's everything' after all," I said trying to make a little joke, as the longing and sense of loss crept back into my consciousness. I tried to hold it at bay.

"We're still going to Merlotte's tonight to get you a hamburger," Bill said quickly.

I shook my head. "Oh Bill, that's not necessary."

"Sookie, no, I don't want to change that," he said; " I promised you and we are going."

I sighed. "Well, maybe, but there's something else we need to discuss, " I said.

"What is it?" he said.

"Why haven't you fed on me yet?" I tenderly touched his cheek with my right hand. Bill looked away from me for half a second then back into my eyes.

"I will never feed on you again, Sookie." he answered me.

"Why not?" I asked him; "are you no longer a vampire?"

"Sookie, you already know why... I want you to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I love you. And that it's not about your blood. I told you a while ago. It's the only way," he said emphatically.

I stared at him. "I know you love me, Bill. What? Does that make my blood no longer delicious? I know your will-power is legendary. I think Russel said it was 'tantric' as I recall."

"Sookie..." he groaned.

"Listen to me," I said, tenderly touching his chin with my palm;"there is a part of me that loves the vampire in you! I love the parts of you that are still human. And I love that you want to hold on to your humanity. But honestly, I also love your dark side. The part of you that is dangerous and wild. I have to admit that to myself. And to you, Bill. It is part of who and what you are. Just like me being part-fae and having this extraordinary blood, is part of who I am. Neither of us can ignore that. We can't pretend it doesn't exist in our relationship. Because it does. I will not condemn you because you love every part of me. And I love the darkness in you!"

Bill placed his hand over mine and took it away from his face. "Sookie. You only think you love the darkness in me. You have no idea what it is truly all about. "

"I do so have an idea," I protested; "I have more than just an idea. You mean….when I called you a monster."

"I am a monster," said Bill.

"No. You are not! I'm sorry I called you that. We've talked before about that part of you...the darkness in you. But, Bill, I know you would never intentionally hurt me," I said.

Bill shook his head. "Sookie, it's more than just a word-darkness-it is a lifestyle. It is a hunger, a curse. It is more than I can ever explain to you."

"You don't have to explain it," I said; "And you don't have to hide it from me. I just want you to be yourself. All of yourself…with me. Don't hold anything back from me,. as I hold nothing back from you!"

Bill said nothing for a long moment. "Sookie, the vampire business thing-" he started.

"Oh, I don't care about that stuff!" I said;" unless you are in some kind of danger! Are you in trouble?"

"Not at the moment," Bill said sarcastically; "but I am vampire. Just wait fifteen minutes."

"That's not funny, Bill. And you know that's not what I'm talkin' about," I said. "I just want us to be honest with each other. We have to be. From this point forward."

Bill shook his head. "Here I am...all day I have been trying to earn back your trust. And now you are telling me I've screwed it up. Here you are fully embracing my vampire nature."

I pulled Bill's arms and placed them around my naked waist, inside the robe.

"Trust is supposed to be a two-way street, isn't it? Do you trust me?" I whispered; "I want you to be yourself. Besides….thanks to you, I enjoy very much being bitten, Bill Compton." I smiled at him.

But Bill was looking at me very warily. For a moment he looked at me and did not make one move. Then he suddenly backed away from me. He walked over to the hurricane lamp on the night stand and lowered the light down until the flame flickered and went out. Then there was only the milky light from the clouded thumbnail moon in the master bedroom. Bill took two paces further back towards the window. The night breeze came again to furl the curtain, but now I heard the rumbling of thunder on the horizon to the east. Bill turned slowly and looked at me.

I was still standing by the foot of the bed. I knew in an instant that Bill had made up his mind to fed on me. He backed further into the corner, away from the window and into the shadows. He was waiting for me to come to him. If this is what I wanted, I would have to come to him. He never said it out loud, but I knew. I could no longer see his handsome face, his blue eyes, from where I was standing. I approached him slowly, walking round the corner of the bed and straight towards the darkness where he was standing. I had his robe around me, gathering it up into my hands to keep it from dragging across the floor.

When I reached Bill, I stood directly in front of him. I let the robe fall from my shoulders, exposing my neck, my breasts now in Bill's full view. Bill's eyes had turned to blue ink, moving across my face, my neck. His face altogether ashen. I saw him drop his fangs, the white sharpness of them glinting in the moonlight. He made a hissing sound the likes of which I had not heard him make before then he growled low it seemed from the bottom of his diaphragm. I had a sense of impending danger, just standing next to him. In spite of my courage to surrender, my pulse began to quicken as Bill finally reached out and pushed the robe down my arms. His fingers were deathly cold, colder than I had ever remembered. And while feeling a shiver going down my spine, for one wild moment I wondered if there was anything of the Bill I knew still standing in the darkness of this bedroom with me!

His need was so great, his perfectly-crafted, tantric will-power now shattered completely-by me! And I realized that now everything aside, I was truly at his mercy. I looked him squarely in the eyes, even though my heart was pounding and my consternation building by the seconds. I knew he was smelling my blood and for the first time ever, I felt like nothing but prey!

"Bite me, Bill!" My mouth had gone dry. I managed to say it, as bravely as I could.

This is what it must feel like to take that jump out of an airplane when you skydive, I thought. Would everything be alright? Would you safely touch the ground? The adrenaline was pumping in my chest at the thought of not knowing what was going to happen to me next! Skydivers have a parachute. I had Bill's love. And I wished he could have 'glamour' me. Bill closed his mouth, for a moment, hiding those razor-sharp fangs. His arms pulled me in and his cold lips went across my forehead, down the side of my face, past my left ear, then to my jaw, where he stopped as dead as a lizard's pause. I felt his head going back and my knees giving way. In one swift move, his hand was in my hair directing my head to one side and then his fangs sunk deeply into my throat as he pulled me into an embrace with his right arm!

The only other time Bill had bitten me without us having sex had been in Alcide's van. And then he had not been himself. He had been tortured and delirious. This was a completely different experience. Bill was in full control this time. But I was without the heat of my passion cloaking the pain and the intensity. Bill seemed to be saying, here it is...this is me!

I felt the blood rushing from the fresh wounds he had made in my neck as his cold lips fastened to my flesh and created a fusion with my skin. He held me tight and tighter still, moans of pleasure and satisfaction escaping his throat as he sucked, sucked, sucked the blood from my body. I wrapped my arms around him, the robe falling back now, caught on my arms, my body exposed. Bill tossed away his towel and now we were naked against each other again. I felt him harden at my navel. But this was not about sex. This was about dinner!

I opened my eyes and looked at the thumbnail moon over his shoulder, wondering if the moon would be my very last vision on earth. I had encouraged his dark side. I started panting now, growing faint, as my vampire continued to enjoy his meal! There was nothing to stop him, except his love for me. I had gambled against all the odds. The tears welled up into my eyes. I gently stroked his back with the palms of my hands. Suddenly, Bill took his lips from my neck, his fangs came lurging from the skin on my neck and I cried out in pain as his fangs left my flesh. His cool tongue took his fangs place, slurping and licking my wound for another few seconds, seeking any latent drops of blood. Bill was in a vampire-type nirvana. He finally loosed the vice-like grip he had on a moment, his thumbs came up to each side of my face and flicked away the tears that had rolled down my cheeks. His eyes were not that inky blue anymore.

"Sookie..." he said looking down at me in the darkness; "Sookie...you are amazing...are you alright?"

At that moment, I knew the Bill I loved had never gone away completely. I couldn't speak just then. I nodded my head in response. I was still pulled the robe back up over my shoulders and rocked me a little in his embrace.

"You are so right, sweetheart," he said in my hair;" trust is a two-way street. And you are the bravest person I have ever met."

I suddenly felt very weak. I closed my eyes and rested against him.

************************************************************************************************************************************I

I slipped into one of Bill's dress shirts and rolled up the sleeves, three-quarter length, as my cotton smock from this morning was only ready for the trash heap. And thank God, Bill had found a pair of my black Merlotte work shorts in the bottom drawer of his highboy, or we would have had to swing by my house first. But as things turned out, I slid right back into my flip-flops and we were ready to go. Bill had put on a navy button- down shirt, which made his eyes seem even bluer. Over that he wore a charcoal gray jacket with black stitching on the labels and buttons at the cuffs, and a pair of black jeans that I loved to see him in.

I am sure we looked so odd together the way we were each dressed. Me with my long white man's dress shirt, sleeves rolled up and nearly hanging even with my black short-shorts and a pair of flip-flops! As long as Bill didn't mind, I didn't care what anyone else we pulled up to Merlotte's in Bill's car, the evening breeze was even stronger. Flashes of lightning could be seen in the eastern sky probably ten miles or so from Bon Temps, as the thunder rumbled on over our had packed for his 2 a.m. flight. He would be in New York City well before dawn. He had one carry-on suitcase that he had tossed into the trunk of his car before we left his house.

Bill and I stood hand-in-hand at the door of Merlotte's. Closing time was not far away, but still, as we peered through the window, I could see several customers were eating late suppers. Everyone else in the establishment was either family or friends. Tara, Sam, Lafayette and Jessica. Arlene had the same night off as me, so she wasn't working that night. Bill squeezed my hand, our fingers laced together.

"This will not be your most popular decision, Sookie," Bill said. The master of the understatement.

"I don't care what they think," I said, looking over at Bill; "this is my life."

"Indeed, it is," Bill said, opening the swinging glass moment we walked in, everybody stopped talking.

Even the customers. Disbelief. Raised eyebrows. Shock. Momentarily the customers at the bar and sitting at the tables, kept on eating. Janis Joplin's ' Me and Bobby McGee,' was playing on the old jukebox. My eyes immediately went to Tara. She stared at me and Bill for a moment, then slapped down the damp towel she had onto the counter-top and without a word, she walked away behind the bar and down the hallway and disappeared. Just like that! She probably left out the back door. I had no intentions of going after her.

Sam was standing at the end of the bar, his hands pushed firmly down into the back pockets of his jeans, thumbs out.

"Holy sh!t," he said, grinning at us both.

He was shaking his head. I did not drop Bill's hand.

"Good evening, Sam," I said;" can we get a booth tonight?"

"Why not?" Sam said; "take your pick, Sookie. The place is yours!"

But he wasn't looking at me. He was looking at Bill.

"Good evening, Sam," Bill said evenly.

"Hello, Compton," said Sam; "I gotta tell ya, you vampire boys never cease to amaze me."

"Thank you," Bill said politely.

We left the bar and walked to the booth where Bill and I first met. I was so glad no one was sitting there.

"I'm glad that's all you said to Sam," I said looking up at Bill;" and I have no intentions of trying to read any body's minds in here tonight."

"It's just as well," Bill said;"Sam is the kind of person who never hesitates to opine on matters about which he has no first-hand knowledge. Tonight is not any different."

"You go ahead and sit down," I said;"I'm going to order me something before Lafayette closes down the kitchen. Wanna TruBlood?" I smiled; "O Neg?"

Bill smiled back. "No, I'm good."

"Yes, you are..." I gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

I walked over to the order window. Lafayette was already looking at me with a soup spoon poised in his right hand.

"You like a lot of drama in your life, don't you, Sook?" he said.

"I guess I do," I said; "whose a girl gotta sleep with to get a burger combo with everything?"

"Burger combo all the way coming up!" said Lafayette.

"Hold the onions," I said, over my shoulder.

As I walked away, Jessica came up beside me and touched my arm. She was grinning from ear to ear.

"Hi, Sookie!" she said smiling, her red hair framing her face; "I was just talkin' to Bill. It's so great to see the two of you together again!"

"Thank you, Jess. I-I'm sorry we haven't seen more of each other, lately," I said.

"Well, you know...Sam put us on different shifts 'cause... 'cause...you know. Everything that happened between you and Bill. But everything's alright now. You two are back together! I prayed for that!"

Jessica was the only person I really wanted to talk to at Merlotte's. We sat down on the bench just outside Sam's office.

"Jessica, Bill and I are not back together," I said; "Not the way you mean."

She wrinkled her nose. "What do you mean?" she said; "the two of you walked in here together. And not a moment too soon, either. I guess Bill told you, he's going away on a trip. He has no idea when he's coming back. I know ya'll can work things out. He loves you Sookie! Bill loves you more than anything!"

I reached out and grasped her hand. "I know," I said;" and I love him, Jess. More than anything. But things are not the same. We don't know what's going to happen," I said gently.

Jessica nodded. " I know. I'm so glad I have Hoyt."

I looked into her eyes. "And you hold on to each other, Jess. You know...when you find your soul-mate, you think that nothing will ever come between you. Because your love is epic. It's about giving him all his desires, without expecting anything in return. It's about a connection so strong, you never even thought it could exist. But that connection can snap, Jess. And when it does...all you are is empty inside. I hope nothing like that ever happens to you and Hoyt. It's a long, long road back...even with a miracle. Bill and I will always love each other."

Jessica looked at me and nodded. "I hope so, Sookie. Bill loves you so dearly."

We stood up and hugged each other. "I'll bring your food when it's ready," Jessica said;" you get back over there with Bill!"

We smiled at each other. "Thanks, Jessica."

I walked back out into the main room and looked at Bill, sitting in the booth where we had gazed upon each other for the very first time. I know the span of our lives as mortals is a gift. And just like any gift, once given, the receiver can do with it as they like. I knew that in a little while, everything would be different again. There would come tomorrow and the next day and another month and another year. And we would change perhaps, never being quite this way again. The future stretches away from us, unknown, unseen, perhaps not what we wanted, not what we planned.

But this moment, coming back to Merlotte's with Bill and sitting in the same booth as the night we first met, was safe. This moment could not be touched. This was secure, this funny fragment of time that would never come again. This time that Bill had given as a gift to me, I would always hold it close in my heart. And no matter where Bill is, or where I am, we are forever bound together in the love that we have for one another.

I walked slowly over to the booth, Bill watching me as I did. I leaned over the table on my elbows, bringing my face very close to his.

"What can I get for you tonight?" I whispered.

I saw his blue eyes rim with red. And he understood that I knew why he wanted to bring me back to Merlotte's again. To make a new memory. A fresh memory. He reached out and took my hands as I slid into the booth next to him. He put his arm around me and held me close. We looked out the window as people were running to get into their cars, the wind now blowing more pronounced and tiny droplets of rain hitting the window in wet slivers. We sat there together, I grasped Bill's right hand, his left arm around my shoulder.

I wanted to go on sitting there, not talking, not listening to others, just peaceful and content, next to Bill. If I live to be a hundred, I will never love any one the way I love Bill. After a few minutes, Jessica brought over my cheeseburger combo and the drink. She placed the order in the middle of the table, she smiled at us and left. There it sat.

Every moment now was a precious thing, having in it the essence of finality. There was so much emotion between us. We started talking about mundane things in an effort to keep away the pain.

"I'll call you when I get to New York," Bill said, squeezing my shoulder.

"Okay," I said, playing with his fingers.

"No, wait...you'll be asleep."

"I don't care," I said looking up at him; "I don't think I will be, though..."

Part of me wanted to look into his eyes and part of me did not.

I was glad we were not alone at his house trying to do this. Really. I was glad we were in a public place. I gently took Bill's hand from my shoulder and looked at his watch. Quarter to One. Merlotte's will close up at 1 a.m. I had to do it now. Right now.

I slid out of the booth and took Bill's hand. He stood up beside me.

"It's starting to rain," he said, looking down at me.

"I know."

"We can't do this outside," he said.

"No."

His blue eyes searched the room. "Where can we do this?"

"Right here," I said. " I wanna do it right here."

I grasped his hands. He slowly put his right hand to my cheek. Then I think he understood. The customers were gone.

I'm sure Tara had left as soon as we walked in. Sam was in his office. I heard Jessica and Lafayette moving around back in the kitchen. Not so public after all.

"I should have bought you something," Bill said, his voice just above a whisper.

I struggled to look up at him.

"You did get me something..." I said. I found those liquid blue pools of light and dove inside; "You gave me a new memory to have here at Merlotte's. It's something better than flowers...better than a diamond...more precious than the key to your home."

I could not stop my tears.

"I wish you would let me get rid of those," he rubbed his thumb across the puncture wounds on my neck. I shook my head and smiled at him, my heart breaking all over again.

"Don't even think about it, Bill Compton," I said; "those are mine, too-"

Almost before I could finish my sentence, he was taking my mouth. I wrapped my arms round his neck and desperately held myself against him. With his hands balled into two fists he had grabbed each side of the collar of the shirt I was wearing and he held me tightly up against his body.

His kiss almost bruised my lips. "Wherever I go...you are with me, Sookie..." he whispered into my mouth.

Then he slacked his grip and put his arms around me, his cool fingers supporting my back. I kissed him again for all the tomorrows that stretched out in front of us. The thunder roared again and I tore myself away from his embrace, turning to the windows and watching as the lightning flickered across the dark parking lot.

I looked down at the basket of food on the table and decided to take it back to the kitchen and apologize to the chef. I waited. I waited. When I turned around Bill was gone.

I left the table and slowly walked over to the front door. The glass was foggy. I opened the door and braced my elbow along the glass to hold it open. I took a deep breath of the clean, fresh air cleansed by the rain. The thunder and lightning were performing together now. I closed my eyes for a moment and touched the little wounds on my neck. I looked down. My feet were getting wet as the rain was coming inside the doorway with a fury, blowing sideways in the wind.

The End […..or is it just the beginning of a new adventure for Bill & Sookie?]


End file.
